So, I missed a few days here and there, but most nights in November I sat here in the last hours of the day and thought about what to tell you. As in, I thought about you, invisible multiple you, and wondered what to tell you, and to be honest about half of the time I put a post down that wasn't worth reading just to say I had done it. It was a good practice, though, that weird state between work and play. It makes me think that I won't leave the blog behind for a year again. If I write, I want to write the kinds of posts that were worth reading, which sounds arrogant and I don't mean it to. I'm not fooling myself about quality here--I just don't want to feel like I have to put something down just for the sake of putting it down. Practice doesn't have to be public.
I was shitty at responding to comments and reading other people (because I wound up squeezing this practice in at the end of the night). I maybe should have turned commenting off? I hope you, multiple you, forgive me for not being better at that. Or I hope you say psssh and basically that you didn't expect any different from me, that you were better at this than I am.
If I don't see you again any time soon, know that my December is going to be full of stuff, mostly good, in a way that my Decembers haven't been for years. (Decades!) It's probably going to be awkward, legs and arms flailing in the air on the way down to the deep end of the pool. I really don't care so much about being awkward anymore because have you seen people, they are just as awkward as I am if not more. And if you find yourself with a hole on your Christmas list and you want to fill it with a book, something beautiful and meaningful, you should choose The Empathy Exams, and this is the last time I'm going to tell you to read it but I will probably quote from it over and over again until you read it and tell me how right I am. (Oh, turn me on, tell me I'm right.) I'm rereading it now in preparation for a discussion and I am loving it even more the second time through. It's a thoughtful and heartbreaking and lovely book, and there are worse things in the world than spending time thinking about thoughtfulness and broken hearts and the ways we are human, especially at this time of year. It reminded me what I am made of, and if you want to be effective at loving other people, you have to have some idea about your component parts. You have to know what you're working with, which toolkit you've got and what you're missing. Then you practice.