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#augustbreak: and love always protects

play it now, while you read. it’s short.

I wish I could tell you what it felt like to be me twenty years ago this month, to be packing a month full of last-times and a van full of clothes. To be heading to the other side of the state, to my beloved Philadelphia, where The Ocean Blue were closer and The Troc would feed me everything I needed and where I would make terrible mistakes and live through everything anyway.

These days I love through everything while I live through it.

I was making that first futile stab at priming the Balrog-wall when Strangeways played this song and I stopped and remembered how excited I was back then, how I wore out The Ocean Blue on my tape deck in my car and how we sang this at top volume even though we were not in love. Or maybe we were, with ourselves and our teenage singing streaming through the windows of a fast-driving car. And I painted it into my wall and covered it later and it will always be there, just like love; you cannot scrape that away no matter which knife you use.

Wishing you love, the real kind, the kind that is going to get you through everything, that always protects, that is as strong as it has to be to do its job.